I got a note from K inquiring how I was doing, and a semi-stern reminder that I had gone too long in updating my diary here. I warned him that I was going to just lift the text of my minorly expurgated reply and put it here…


'Oh, not very much as usual-- it's been kind of hot here this week.

'No update on the journal, cuz nothing's happening. I've spent the last 5 weeks at home, reading watching movies and doing a little web page stuff, but that is the extent of it. Makes for poor reading. I've been thinking about putting something in there today, but I think it would be inappropriate to complain about feeling alienated despite all the email and phone calls and constant companionship.

'I guess it's because it has highlighted oh so very much what the last 4 years have been like, and I just don't see myself getting into that whole kind of relationship. And if I reason it out, I suppose that in many ways I like solitude, and I feel very much out of place and singular if I make attempts to join the gang after work and stuff. I think the provocation for this is a decided lack of response and reply to some things that I've done, and I can't tell if it's because I'm not as smart as I think I am, disliked in general or the work was truly inferior. God I hate working in a vacuum.

'Wow. A whiny rant from the person that seems to have just beat the odds on ovarian cancer. Seems a little self-centered, if you ask me. Must be the wildly swing endocrine system that is in post-surgical shock. And it really is just today's mood-- I have been described as perky for the last month.
And I do seem to have beaten the odds, as the post op tests are showing. I've got 3 more chemo treatments to do (one next week) and miscellaneous radiation and laproscopic things to do in September.

'Chris is still unemployed, and unfortunately I made a misjudgment and have bills piling up that I'm responsible for because I didn't turn off the cable, etc before I left. Mea Culpa. I should have all that mess cleaned up in a few weeks, though. Gotta send him out to live in the streets, other wise he'll never smarten up.

'The girls sound positively wonderful, and I'm so glad for you. The time off from work, while troublesome, is a boon, time to spend with them and enjoy them. I'm glad the handball team effort is going well for you though. Good luck on the new season, it's good to have a hobby!

'Ah yes, con stunts--the halcyon days of a misspent youth. Odd that you should bring that up. I had an email from a creative writing instructor that J and I had in the 8th grade. She was always much better at that than me (hell, everyone was!). He inquired after her, and I had a brief correspondence with her. I do miss her in a lot of ways, but I just can't let myself fall back into that orbit again. It was too difficult, and impossible to regain, recreate or revive. I miss the ideal of it more than the reality.

'It's kind of the same thing with those convention antics. It was a heady, whirlwind time of discovery and camaraderie, but I fear that what would happen is we'd all end up going back over trodden trails rather than going for something insanely new or wicked. Maybe I'm wrong, and I'm underestimating our group-creativity. It's all a moot point, I can't make it this year-- maybe I'm just talking myself out of being sad that I'll miss it!

'Gee, I bet you're sorry you caught me today! LOL I'm really not this morose all the time, but I've discovered that there is little point in covering up how you feel; I know that you will take it all with your usual aplomb and equanimity, so I don't mind telling you.' End of Message.

I did get an opportunity to really get to know my aunt and her girlfriend G. They are both bright lively people with a wide-ranging scope of interests, and we got along marvelously. I had a lot of trepidation about spending a week with my mothers' sister, but my fears proved to be unfounded.

Brother D and I spent the week he was here scanning pictures from old albums, exchanging ideas and playing with computers. Brother J was a doll, he entertained himself with fixing things around the house, and cooking up a storm; he makes the most divine crepes and I have yet to try and recreate them. Sister S and I spent this week reading and watching movies, and all the Krycek episodes from the X-Files. It's quite enlightening to see the shifting alliances and attitudes, and the growth of the character by inference, rather than by actual screen time. Season 5 is the last one released, so there is a lot more to come before he reaches the point of visionary muse. Feh. CC is a crack-smoking idiot.

And that, in a nutshell is it for now. I go back to work on July 1, S will be here for a few days next week, which should be fun and interesting. We'll commiserate over the state of affairs and he'll be bored to tears watching me be totally discombobulated by nasty drugs for a few days.

Oh. Today is Nick Lea's birthday, a landmark. Have a drink.